worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
