i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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