My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
