Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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