My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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