Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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