And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
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I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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