You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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