"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
