I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
