The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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