I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
