Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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