I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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