I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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