i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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