I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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