just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
