small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
