So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
