OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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