Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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