I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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