thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize