so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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