I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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