I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
