No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
