I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
