anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
