Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
