I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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