Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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