What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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