You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
