i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
