I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
