dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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