I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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