I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
