she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
