If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
