He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize