I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
