Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
