why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
