if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
