I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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