I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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