is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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