I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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