Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
