gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
