mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
