and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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