Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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