at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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