Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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