What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize