gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
