I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
