I want to stick my p in your. b.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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