I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
