she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
