So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
