He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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