just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
