Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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