Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
