This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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