I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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