Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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