perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
